Warning, metaphors ahead

So I sort of feel like a diver who is beginning the climb up that really long ladder that leads to the high-dive platform. Did anyone else feel like this when they were on the brink of starting their first IVF cycle? I am being slammed by so many thoughts and emotions racing through my head. I thought it might help to get some of them (whatever the blog equivalent is) down on paper. We have been leading up to this for a long time. Our eighth wedding anniversary is in a few weeks, which makes almost exactly seven years since the goalie was pulled. Yes, we did that “we’ll have a year to ourselves before we get pg” thing, which seems so very quaint now. As the calendar pages have flipped and flipped and no baby has joined our family, the thought of IVF began peppering our conversations. Mostly it was in terms of how nice it would be if a giant bird dropped a pile of money on our front lawn (possible bastardization of the whole stork metaphor but more fitting for our situation) and we could then afford to roll the in-vitro dice. Still no bird, still no large sum of money…instead the realization that I’m not getting any younger and we will just have to take a deep breath, close our eyes, and dive in. It is a very strange feeling to be at once so excited that we are finally taking this step, and so scared that we are playing the last card in our hand. As long as we hadn’t tried, it was always still a possibility. Now the tests are done, the calls are made, the paperwork has been sent, and our names are on a calendar somewhere in our RE’s office. With the recent rush of IVF cycles at our clinic, the first available time was late November. We took it. If the frantic notes I took while speaking to the nurse can be trusted, it seems this date is roughly when the transfer will happen…if everything goes according to plan. That’s where that long ladder comes in I guess. At least we’ve taken the first steps.