Words to keep me sane

Sometimes the only action you can take is to let go.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Warning, metaphors ahead

So I sort of feel like a diver who is beginning the climb up that really long ladder that leads to the high-dive platform. Did anyone else feel like this when they were on the brink of starting their first IVF cycle? I am being slammed by so many thoughts and emotions racing through my head. I thought it might help to get some of them (whatever the blog equivalent is) down on paper. We have been leading up to this for a long time. Our eighth wedding anniversary is in a few weeks, which makes almost exactly seven years since the goalie was pulled. Yes, we did that “we’ll have a year to ourselves before we get pg” thing, which seems so very quaint now. As the calendar pages have flipped and flipped and no baby has joined our family, the thought of IVF began peppering our conversations. Mostly it was in terms of how nice it would be if a giant bird dropped a pile of money on our front lawn (possible bastardization of the whole stork metaphor but more fitting for our situation) and we could then afford to roll the in-vitro dice. Still no bird, still no large sum of money…instead the realization that I’m not getting any younger and we will just have to take a deep breath, close our eyes, and dive in. It is a very strange feeling to be at once so excited that we are finally taking this step, and so scared that we are playing the last card in our hand. As long as we hadn’t tried, it was always still a possibility. Now the tests are done, the calls are made, the paperwork has been sent, and our names are on a calendar somewhere in our RE’s office. With the recent rush of IVF cycles at our clinic, the first available time was late November. We took it. If the frantic notes I took while speaking to the nurse can be trusted, it seems this date is roughly when the transfer will happen…if everything goes according to plan. That’s where that long ladder comes in I guess. At least we’ve taken the first steps.


Pamela Jeanne said...

Great metaphors. And, yes, you've captured the sense of fear, trepidation and anticipation that comes with IVF spot on.

The Town Criers said...

It's scary. But I hope it's a fantastic dive and when you come out of the water, the judges have given you a good score. I'm not sure where that fits in the metaphor, but I hope that you understand that I'm wishing you good thoughts as you take that first step.

Leah said...

I liked your metaphors. IVF is the BigFoot of monsters (or the one from your childhood closet if you consider it more fierce), so I wish you enormous amounts of hope, faith and patience throughout it. Oh, and LUCK! Tons of luck too.

It's great news that you were accepted into Shared Risk, at least you will know what to expect from a financial standpoint. Your RE seems like one nice dude for going to bat on your behalf.

Thank you for stopping by my blog. Your support really means a lot to me.

Kami said...

I think I was so relieved to be trying something new that I wasn't as nervous. Plus I was, mistakenly, convinced it would work out. Maybe I was super nervous, but since I didn't write it down, I don't know.

I hope you never need an IVF#2 to compare it to.

Erin said...

I totally agree with your metaphors. I felt like I was jumping off a cliff, but pretty much same thing. I'm psyched you were accepted into Shared Risk. Not that you'll need more than one cycle, but it's a nice thing to have in your back pocket, taking the stress of your cycle. Welcome to the blogosphere!

peesticksandstones said...

Congrats on this exciting new venture -- and on your upcoming anniversary. We're tentatively stepping our toes into the IVF waters ourselves (heck, my husband's even reading "The Couple's Guide to IVF" on the can). But even just thinking about it takes my breath away. In a good way, too, though. It's exciting we live in a time that this technology is available, and just keeps getting better. I look at women two generations ago who couldn't do a dang thing about IF and I definitely feel lucky to have choices.

Not that it makes it easy for any of us! I'd rather "choose" to have a baby the old-fashioned way anyday.

Good luck to you!