Words to keep me sane

Sometimes the only action you can take is to let go.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Random Thoughts

It has been a while since my last post. I have been in a state of self-induced stress over all the elements falling into place for this IVF cycle. There is the money element, which found us plaing beat-the-clock waiting for a check to arrive. There is the physical element which found me in an agonizing wait for my period to arrive. Last month I got it on the 14th. Now no one can set their watch by my cycles, but roughly I was expecting it to come by the 18th at the latest. My trial transfer is scheduled for the 23rd (tomorrow). I got my period yesterday. I have been told there is no need to reschedule and that we couldn't even if we wanted to because of timing issues and my RE's schedule. So the red witch and I have a date with the stirrups...how fun. At this point I shouldn't even let it bother me anymore but I'm still human - all infertility humiliation evidence to the contrary. Clearing those hurdles will bring us to Friday when we have our RN consult. I guess that will give us some insight into our protocol and which medications I will be on. I am praying that the leftover meds I received from a friend of a friend will fit my protocol. If not I may twist my RE's arm pretty hard to make them fit. I think I will feel better when the plan is in place and the meds are lined up on the counter. At least that's what I keep telling myself. Amazing how much there is to think about before a single injection has been taken. Must remember to breathe in and out and remain (more) calm than I have been so far.

I received discouraging news today from my friend who was to be cycling at the same time as us. Things did not work out for her to begin this cycle and it is up in the air as to whether she will be able to try IVF in the future. It is yet another case of scary inferility road blocks happening to good people. I got an update from another friend who recently had a failed, most likely final, IVF. They are taking a break to regroup and see what makes sense for them in the future. It is so not fair how this ugly beast can chew people up and spit them out over and over again. These are good, deserving, strong people and yet their dreams are still in limbo. I was once told that babies are not passed out according to merit. So very true.

Here is a link to a series of articles that is running in my local newspaper:


Today's piece is on whether or not insurance companies should pay for IVF. I just hate the misuse of the word "implant" in articles dealing with IVF. I actually emailed the authors of this one to correct them. It also pains me to see or hear people who know nothing of infertility on a personal level weigh in on things like insurance coverage. Unless you have walked in these shoes, you have no idea how you would feel or what kind of decisions you would make to build your family. I appreciate it when infertility issues are written about and given some time out of the closet, but I dislike how it provides a forum for others to judge situations they can't understand. I guess we can't be lucky enough to have one without the other.

Those are my random thoughts for today.


Pamela Jeanne said...

"I was once told that babies are not passed out according to merit. So very true."

Amen to that, and it is scary isn't it how badly IF "can chew people up and spit them out over and over again?" I keep repeating your words because they're so very spot on.

Finally, I have to keep myself from getting unglued when people freely share their ignorance about IF treatments. If I were queen of the world, I'd require a certain baseline of understanding and knowledge before I'd let people bloviate on subjects they know nothing about. Hang in there, my friend.

Geohde said...

"babies are not passed out according to merit"

Ain't that the gospel on the matter,



Grad3 said...

It's hard to beat the clock when you always feel it ticking away.

I hope those leftover meds work for you and brings you the little "merit" you deserve. I would so like it to be your turn. ~Hugs~

Kami said...

There are cancer ads on the public radio station to the effect that "Anyone can get cancer and Everyone deserves to be able to fight it?

Every time I hear it I replace the word "cancer" with "infertility". It is just as true, but most don't understand.

I'm sorry about your friends. I hope things turn around for both of them.

Did you get your protocol yet? Is everything falling in to place?